Ode to Reality Winner

She thought that she would receive accolades like Edward Snowden,

But it turned out that she will end up being a bust like Greg Oden.

In a world which is disillusioned by perceived personalities,

Her parents burdened her with the name of Reality.

Since she’s in jail now, she’s eating food that’s worse than TV dinners.

Which sort of implies that she is not a winner.

She spilled the beans for no reason.  Why was she rushing?

The current investigation was going to reveal that there was some hacking from the Russians.

Instead of making big bucks off of the information intercept,

You gave the data to a podcast called Intercept.

There was absolutely no need to reveal the proof.

History will show that she is a goof.

Her jail time will give her time to reflect upon the penalty of her technicality

Which hopefully gives her a dose of reality.

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Ode to Salman Abedi

You can listen to this opinion and take it for what it’s worth

That Salman Abedi was the worst suicide bomber that has lived on this earth.

Tricked by ideological falsehoods that form the tenets of jihad.

Clear thinkers transparently know that Islam defrauds.

Why would he kill so many precious pearls?

Because the Muslim tradition of pedophilia passed down from Mohammed led to him targeting little girls.

Out of all the places in the world, he had to pick Manchester

Since it rhymes with following hadiths causes a Muslim to become a child molester.

To show how ungrateful he was towards his parents, he went back to Libya

By going through ISIS back channels located in Syria.

In hell, he will no longer experience the refreshment of ice cubes.

While you’re down there, make room for the guy that trolled me on YouTube.

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Ode to the Nephilim

Things feel leery and eerie.  Don’t you sort of feel them?

Anticipation for the return of the Nephilim.

Like during ancient times when fossilized oddities roamed the land

Putting weirdly shaped footprints in the sand.

Hyper-mutations will be spliced into clones through genetics.

That will only be destroyed through the use of telekinetics.

The trick is that some will believe that they are alien invaders

Instead of doing research to be smarter than fifth-graders.

Don’t get close to them because they will have a horrible aroma.

Their skin will be more scorched than the worst case of melanoma.

What will you do if you come in contact with one of these beasts?

Will you cower in fear or will you rise to the occasion like yeast?

I hope that you will choose the latter

So that we can put a few of the heads of the Nephilim on a platter.



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Ode to Chicago Bears Draft 2017

What looked like a promising day for Chicago in the NFL Draft

Became filled with more adventure than going downstream in a raft.

The picks made by the Chicago Bears

Still have left fans astonished with blank stares.

Instead of standing put with an awesome pick at number 3,

GM Ryan Pace tried to set the pace with a finger that was itchy.

He thought that his choice would be swooped up at #2.

Then, he traded with the Niners without anyone knowing what he was going to do.

Somebody should have told him to stop

Because he gave away three picks in order to swap.

The Bears’ organization was no longer going to be considered a laughingstock,

But things took a downward spiral that couldn’t even be changed by Mr. Spock.

This bad move was so bad that it could not be eclipsed by the sun

Because everyone was expecting the Bears to draft Deshaun Watson.

When the smoke cleared, the Bears made their pick,

But the fans were hoping that the decision wouldn’t stick.

Don’t you think that it is sort of risky

To gamble the entire draft away for Mitch Trubisky.

They claim that he’s as smooth as Cool Hand Luke,

But at North Carolina, he couldn’t give the Tar Heels a victory against Duke.

With the pick, a knife was stabbed into the back of new QB Mike Glennon

He probably felt like he was assassinated like John Lennon.

This bizarre moment on Draft Day proves that it’s not a mystery

That the Chicago Bears pulled off the worst draft in NFL history.

You can tell that the Bears laid an egg

When their best pick in their draft now has a broken leg.


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Ode to Ja Rule

Do you remember that rapper back in the day named Ja Rule?

Well now, he will always be known as a fool.

You know that this poem will not be brief.

We haven’t seen him since he was booed at Veterans Stadium and then destroyed by 50 in their beef.

He was on top of the world back in ’99 with his hit rap “Holla Holla.”

Now he commits crimes with slimeballs that are white collar.

You had to know that this guy was a liar

When they misspelled fire for the name of the festival (spelled fyre).

They planned to have this out in the middle of the Bahamas

Tricking people to buy by having models advertise in less than their pajamas.

Festival-goers were supposed to stay in five-star hotels with balconies,

But ended up stranded on an island under canopies.

They expected to eat some of the finest food after paying five figures in fees,

But the only sandwiches they were given had lettuce, tomatoes, and cheese.

How could people even fall for this sham?

In this new age, decide not to click on spam.

The mattresses that they had to sleep on didn’t even have memory foam,

So that they would not hopefully remember the dumb decision to go to this festival after leaving home.


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Ode to American Airlines

American Airlines did not want to be outdone by United Airlines, so one of their flight attendants hit a passenger with a stroller.  Check out the poem below.


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Ode to United Airlines

Please check out my poem about United Airlines on my blog over at Niume.com.


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