Three weeks ago, we watched many people storm the Capitol
Because their brain cells lack intellectual capital.
The ones that were involved in the riot
Are the same ones that bought hydroxychloroquine and tried it.
We all realized that we have a nation to fix
Because of all of the people that went wild on January 6.
On a day when Armenians were celebrating Christmas and waiting for St. Nick,
Right-wingers used their rights and killed Officer Sicknick.
I guess that they were fed up for not being allowed to join in any reindeer games.
Since these people wanted to be famous, let’s go through a few of their names.
There was an actual owner there, the CEO of Cognesia.
After he was charged, he apologized and claimed that he had political amnesia.
He was fired though; his name is Brad Rukstales.
He turned out to be worse than Scrooge McDuck on the Amazing Duck Tales.
We will never be able to forget the Qanon Shaman, Jake Angeli.
He would probably die if he was stuck in a deli.
When he was arrested and put in jail, he then began to panic
Because he could only eat food that is organic.
Then, everyone was transfixed upon a picture of Robert Keith Packer,
But it wasn’t because he looked like a slacker.
He was wearing a shirt that read Camp Auschwitz.
The problem is that he lacks concentration; he really is a ditz.
The guy that was carrying the Confederate flag is Kevin Seefried.
He looks like he would never miss Zac Brown if he was in his town; his favorite song is “Chicken Fried.”
Then, things became even dimmer
Because in the riot was a former Olympic swimmer.
His name is Klete Keller.
He seems like he took his political cues from Hellen Keller.
His parents tried to raise him right when he was a kid every day.
The proof is that his middle initial is not K.
The Florida man Adam Johnson was the guy that stole a podium.
He is beyond sun-tanned; his skin looks like it was blasted with plutonium.
Doug Jensen thought he was tough because he was wearing a shirt with an eagle.
When he was arrested, then he was whimpering like a beagle.
You cannot forget about the guy at the Speaker’s desk, Richard Barnett.
He’s like the hillbilly version of Kevin Garnett.
You could tell that he was from Arkansas because he was acting exactly like a yardbird.
He sounded so country that he probably only eats lard and cheese curds.
After they rushed into the Capitol, things were starting to be so hectic
That an officer let a shot go, and the crowd became even more apoplectic
Because they thought that nobody shoot back; that bullet from the authorities was framed like Roger Rabbit.
That bullet must have had GPS because it hit the chest of Ashli Babbitt.
Her recorded rants proved that she suffered from some sort of mania.
She couldn’t evade the bullet because she puts the slow in Slovenia.
She was from San Diego, which means that she will now miss out on the Padres rivalry with the Dodgers.
She was in the military, but it’s ironic that she died because she listened to a draft dodger.
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